Hi Jack:

I lost my lover (10 years) to Crystal when he decided that the drug was more important than anything else and his heart gave out one night (he was 29). I miss him and love him. we played with the drug 9 years into our relationship because we thought it was fun we did it a couple of times...he could not stop. one night i came home and there was 4 strange men in my house. he was crying on the couch. I said ask why they were they were there and he said it made me. i ask them to leave. he keep talking and i was pissed i told him i was going to bed. the next morning i found him on the couch. He was cold and not moving. I tried to wake him and called 911. He was DOA. I lost my love and broke my heart. Every night i cry & hug my pillow and wish it was him. now I go to work, and come home to a house filled with memories. I see his pictures i want for his smile. I miss his "bitchy nature". Every day i wonder "what if i did".

If he (your X) is still alive...try to help him ....... forget the pride and hurt...kidnap him and send him to detox,,,or get him arrested when he is fucked do what u have to. He will and you will love you for it. I go every day to grave and place fresh flowers.. (for the last 2 years). I hate to tell you it's no replacement for the love i lost. thanks

J.